HOW DO I TALK TO A SHY GUY? – Dork Diaries
Hey Brandon! There’s this boy I sit next to in class, but he seems really shy and he’s always alone. I want to talk to him but my best friend thinks he’s weird and that I shouldn’t embarrass myself by talking to him. I still really want to talk to him and wonder how to start a conversation with him. Thanks in advance for any advice!
Hey Chatty Chick,
I think you sound like a really nice person. And honestly, your friend sounds a little bit mean. Why does she think he’s weird? What matters is that YOU think he’s worth talking to. But like, even if he’s always alone and on the shy side, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to him.
Let’s agree not to listen to your friend about this, okay?
So, the question is, how do you approach him? It’s great that he sits next to you in class. Even if he doesn’t know your name, you’ll look familiar to him.
If you don’t know his name, that’s a simple way to start the conversation. You sit down next to him and say, “Hi. You sit next to me during class but I don’t know your name. I’m Megan.” (But like, use your real name. Not Megan. Unless your name IS Megan. 🙂 )
If he cringes in horrified fear and looks like he’d rather jump out of the window than talk to you, then you say, “Well anyway, just wanted to introduce myself. I’ll leave you alone now.”
BUT, I doubt that will happen. He’ll probably just tell you his name. If he was doing his schoolwork or reading a book when you sat down, ask him about it. Try to ask him open questions that require more than a yes or no answer. As long as he doesn’t look annoyed, you should be fine. Just be your cool, friendly self.
You could also go into the library and introduce yourself to him there. Maybe you’ll both feel like fewer people are watching your conversation. You can ask him what he’s reading, or ask a question about the class that both of you are in. And then when you see him later, you’ll have a little more of a connection to smile and wave or maybe sit with him and chat some more.
There’s a chance he’s not sad or lonely. He might not know anybody that well. Or he might be shy. Either way, I really think he’ll appreciate your friendliness. (Please don’t get upset if he doesn’t have a lot to say. The important thing here is that you tried to be nice.)
I hope that helps. If anyone makes you feel bad about being kind to someone, then that’s their problem, not yours.
What do you do when you see someone who looks like they don’t have anyone to talk to or sit with? How do you strike up a conversation with someone you want to be friends with? Tell us in the comments!
How to Talk to a Shy Guy with 9 Ways to Get Him Talking to You
Get a conversation going with a shy guy
One of the most annoying and frustrating thing is to end up liking someone who hesitate to converse with you even when they know you like them. Effective communication is important so that you will be on your guard and be informed about how he also feels.
Many women will have objections to dating a shy guy; they simply cannot be bothered with having little or no responses to issues that they might want to bring up.
Here are a few ideas on how to start talking to a guy to ease the dating shy guys problems a bit.
Prepare yourself to initiate contact
If you are not used to initiating conversations, you will get more than enough practice while talking to a shy guy. They might want to engage in a conversation with you but sit quietly just waiting on you to make a move. You will need to find topics that will get him to say something to show that he at least has considered talking to you. You will need to know beforehand if he is interested in having conversations with you in the first place. Ask yourself why you think he likes you. Did he give a clear enough indication that he is interested? This means you will have to dig or ask his friends for information on how to make him want to talk with you
Find the topics that he loves
Even though you might be tempted to talk about all the things that you love, talking to shy guys will change this up a bit. It is not that you are making all your conversations all about him but rather, creating situations where an actual conversation can take place. This way you get the chance to learn bits and pieces of him. He might not like the regular things that men stereotypically like, for example cars, sports etc but finding out what really lights his fire will help you a lot.
Avoid yes and no answer
The result you are trying to get here is (honest to goodness) a decent conversation not a hum drum interview. Avoid questions that will or can only stop, creating an awkward pause, at simple answers such as yes, no, maybe. Ask more direct questions that will make or encourage him to speak more and go into detail on issues or topics. For example asking “what was it like growing up in Canada?” is a better foundation to build a conversation on as opposed to “so you had a wonderful experience growing up in Canada?” Think about the question beforehand with a good idea of how he might answer and you will end up having better to go on.
Avoid uncomfortable topics
Whether a guy is shy or not, he will be uncomfortable talking about topics that are seemingly uncomfortable. This is always an important thing to avoid when dating. This means those topics that he deliberately seems to avoid or those you yourself might not like should be avoided. Sometimes what we don’t realize is that being shy sometimes can be attributed to something other than just not wanting to interact; the topic could be the issue. Remember that just like you, he too will have his little discomforts.
Try going out where there might be others
Not necessarily very crowded places but ensure others are around. Some people are afraid of having conversations in intimate environments, try going out in places where there are other people like a coffee shop or the mall perhaps. Having a double date is one of the best options as you would have familiar people in that circle. Having others around can be a well needed distraction for a shy guy to engage in a conversation with you.
Try different ways to make him comfortable
When it comes to shy guys and dating sometimes all you need is to incorporate a little creativity. If he is not fully comfortable then he might be reluctant to speak with you freely; he won’t even say that he is uncomfortable. This means that the right environment that you choose to go on a date is important. You might have chosen a club when he is more of a concert type of guy. Knowing what he really likes will be of great help as you might end up thinking the date was terrible when all it needed was a different setting
Try different communication methods
Sometimes being shy is dependent on the mode of communication chosen. The same guy that seem unresponsive when having a face to face conversation might be the most talkative when you choose to text each other or to talk over the phone or the internet. If you really like him you won’t mind changing things up a bit, you might end up adding much needed excitement which might just be the key to spur things along.
Let him know how you feel
This might seem bold and you might be reconsidering this thinking it might be a turn off moiré than anything else but, having him know how you feel will give him leverage. He might have been thinking how to talk to you but having drawback because he if fearing rejection from you. shy people problems does not begin and end with just not being able to converse but also protecting how they feel. Rejection is not something that they would want to deal with.
Try acting shy and silly
Not all the time being bold will work with a shy guy. Knowing how to talk to shy people can sometime means being quiet around them. This will give them a chance to be drawn out of their “shells” so to speak as they try to get you to talk. This is kind of a reverse psychology method. While you know full well that they are the shy one, letting them see your shy side might have them sympathizing with you and even see him employing some of the methods that we have discussed to get you to talk to him
Dating a shy guy is really not as frustrating as you think. In fact knowing how to talk to a shy guy relies on you not letting him know that you are frustrated. Once you get a hang of all the different ways to communicate with him effectively, it is usually smooth sailing from there. He might even end up out talking you.
How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men
When you find yourself attracted to a “shy guy” or interested enough to want to get to know him but you’re not sure on how to approach situation…
There’s this amazing guy and he is literally all I think about. I really like him but he’s really shy and doesn’t interact with many girls often. I’ve caught him looking at me several times but every time I try to talk to him the conversations are really short. I’ve made him laugh before but then it seems like he’s avoiding me whenever I see him. I know his family fairly well and him too, but I don’t know if I should approach him with the idea of being more than friends. I can’t tell if he’s into me or not and how to approach him if he is.
I wouldn’t suggest approaching anyone with the idea of being “more than friends” put out there.
It’s best (in my opinion) to play it neutral at first and let the moment develop naturally. This also alleviates much of the pressure in these kind of situations which sometimes makes us, in the very least look needy, desperate, controlling, or things which can deter attraction.
Never “sell” an early interaction too far into the future.
So many people are shy, at least from my view, because they’re afraid of the future. Socially speaking of course. They either try too hard or don’t try at all making things perpetually uneasy for them.
If you approach a shy person and apply social pressure, you can get some pretty strange results because they tend to internalize too much of what is going on and connect it to themselves.
When I was shy it felt like I was always being judged negatively. Like I was eventually going to do or say something wrong or socially unacceptable.
While interacting with the girls I was attracted to, I was putting on an act. I was monitoring my every thought or action to avoid doing something wrong. Women never got to talk to the real me in those situations.
Doing something wrong in those cases meant she wouldn’t like me or it was the reason she wasn’t attracted to me when I was rejected.
That’s the internal connection. It’s a limited belief system of a shy guy. ( Based on my observations of men and past shyness.)
Since then though, I’ve learned the mystery of it, maybe she likes me, maybe she doesn’t, creates a far better experience. Kind of like a “let’s have fun and see what happens” attitude.
That’s the attitude you can have when you do approach a shy guy, or when a guy approaches a woman whether she’s shy or not.
A little self-deprecating humor also helps because it alleviates stress.
It’s easier to be who we are when we don’t take things like just having a conversation so seriously. It should be an energetic exchange of ideas, wit, and humor practically devoid of most questions.
An example would be:
Bad question with pressure attached –> “What do you do for a living?” A shy response would have the guy (or person) thinking you might not like him for his job. Or maybe he’s not that passionate about it or doesn’t think it’s cool. Remember they internalize more when they’re talking to someone they’re attracted to. ( Explained as being overly self-conscious. )
A better idea without pressure would be –> “Amazing. You look like you work-out for a living. I have my good days and bad days but then again – I can be a little lazy. Haha!”
No questions. No pressure. Just a fun exchange of ideas.
Observe something unique. Relate it to something you’re used to or have in common. Bust your ass own a little ( Light-heartedly of course ).
Work in the flirting slowly if the chemistry happens to be there and is definitely building.
Shy guys NEED social safety before they open up. They despise, avoid, or act differently when they’re in situations which could lead to a judgement or their character or a social disaster.
“Shy guys open up easier when it’s socially safer. They work better one on one or in very small well-known social groups.”
Imagine something I’ve experienced many times in my past…
Here’s this new attractive co-worker and I was in luck, we met and started talking. No one is around and everything feels fun and easy. Like I could be myself.
But, as soon as one other person enters the group discussion the energy changes. It feels different. It adds pressure.
Suddenly I found myself time after time not acting like I was the minute before. I bow out of the conversation gracefully (or disappear) usually with some pre-planned excuse.
It no longer felt socially safe. My brain would switch over and I’d become much more self-conscious.
After something like that would happen the only time I would then come around is when she was alone. I might stare and wait for the moment to appear. Trying to look busy or like I didn’t care. Yet I’d be not so patiently waiting for “alone” time to come again so I pick up where I left off with her.
I know – us shy guys… aren’t we just so adorable Cat. 😀
You can approach a shy guy in a group. He’ll even deal with some larger social areas but rarely will you ever get any more than his persona if it’s too publicly.
Again, their self-conscious thoughts causes them to monitor their thoughts and action more because they’re worried how others might judge it.
“A common mistake that intelligent women often commit is to think too much about certain things. They get so caught up in their own world of thoughts that they’ll come off as aloof or distracted… when in reality they’re just petrified from FEAR of not knowing what to say next.”
COMMUNICATION AND CONVERSATION TIPS – HOW TO TALK TO MEN – – Mirabelle Summers
Both men AND women can easily have their self-conscious thoughts creep in and possibly deflate an otherwise great connection.
Advice on approach or those first meetings doesn’t seem to change no matter who we’re talking to.
If he’s shy, then again it’s best to be one on one but the supposed rules are no different to enjoying a “stimulating” conversation.
I believe Miralbelle Sommers did a great job on how to talk to any guy and how to quiet YOUR mind too, if that’s a problem.
Shy guys will feed off your quiet mind and are more likely to follow your lead. Give it a read – you might find some better pointers in it rather than me just repeating her words. You’ll find the link to the full article there at…”The Approach” That’s my side “gig” I rarely pay attention to. Haha!
You’ll find it above or just click here: Conversation Tips: How To Talk To Men
Approaching, talking, meeting, whatever it is – I do hope another shy guy doesn’t pass you or any other woman by just because he’s a little socially withdrawn and you were not sure on how to handle it.
I’m pretty sure there are some great guys out there who tend to stay a little quiet and just might need a push in the right direction.
Hopefully the course I’ve laid out gets things heading in the right direction for you Cat, and everyone who is passing by.
If anything, it does help to understand how shy guys think and the purpose of this was to give a better look inside “this” guy’s head.
If you liked — Please pass it on:
About the author:
Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.
22 Tips On How To Tell If A Shy Guy Likes You
Sometimes it’s pretty tough to figure out whether or not a shy guy likes you. But here are signals you can watch out for that will tell you once and for all if that someone special shy guy really does like you.
Yes, it’s tough to know if you should push for a romantic relationship with a shy guy simply because you aren’t sure if he’s really interested in you or not.
Nobody wants to waste their time right?
Here are a few telltale signals that are going to help you figure out whether or not this man is really worth your time.
How To Tell If A Shy Guy Likes You
Signal 1 – You’ll catch him looking at you when you aren’t looking
A shy man just doesn’t want to get caught looking at you so he will try and be neat and sneaky discreet about it. He’s only going to take a peep when he thinks you aren’t watching.
Think of it is you will as a form of conditioning. Shy men are trying to figure out whether or not they really like you and if they do, it won’t take them long to get more bold with you. But for now, he’s going to try and check you out while staying behind the scenes.
Sweetly endearing…Get used to it.
Signal 2 – He’s just looking very uncomfortable in general
No doubt this is a tough signal to figure out because it just might seem like he’s not paying any attention to you at all. What you need to consider is that he just might be so anxious and nervous around you that he’s ready to seriously throw up.
It might take him a little bit of time to get comfy and willing to warm up to you. Confidence comes when he feels he can trust you.
Give him the time he needs because a shy guy just might be the perfect match for you if you give it a chance.
Signal 3 – This guy is being totally clumsy awkward
Is this man always dropping his pen or glasses when he’s around you? He might try to “accidentally” drop something in front of you to get your attention? Is he having issues with his cup or glass around you?
What you need to do is look at this positively and with an open mind. Don’t make him feel bad. Let him do his thing and try and add a little humor to it to take the edge off.
Signal 4 – He’s just treating you much differently
One thing for certain is if a shy man really does like you, he’s going to treat you differently than any other girl. Perhaps he’ll run to grab you a drink instead of paying attention to another girl.
This certainly might make the other girls a tad jealous but who cares, he’s got eyes for you and that’s magical.
It’s tough for anyone to trust off the hop. Even a regular man might not want to open himself up to you to share the secrets he holds with you, which of course is totally normal.
Just give this shy guy the opportunity to get to know you a little so he can open up and let you in. It’s going to take some time but if you don’t pressure him and let him know you are happy to hear anything he wants to share with you, then you’re on the right track.
If he is asking you for advice or sharing teeny-tiny secrets with you, then you’re on the right track.
Maybe he’s just so shy he doesn’t want to share any sort of secret with anyone but you.
Signal 6 – This guy really gets annoyed when you talk about any other man
If a shy guy is cringing with the fact you’re talking about any other man, well you’ve just hit the jackpot!
Shy guys aren’t as confident as you might be used to and he will feel seriously hurt if you are talking about any other man but him. This signals to him that you really aren’t into him. You better clear this up fast or the shy guy won’t be your prize.
Signal 7 – He simply loves whatever you are doing
I know this one is a little bit vague but it couldn’t be more true.
A shy man that’s totally interested in you is going to ask what you did during the day or over the weekend. He might even try and get hooked up with the things you love to do just because.
Maybe he will join a group you are in or just show up at your next main event?
When he shows an interest in you for you, what you love and like, this shy guy is telling you he wants your attention and that only means good things.
Balls in your court with this move.
How sweet is that?
What’s really neat about social media is that you don’t have to be face to face with someone to converse. However, if this man is following you on Facebook or Twitter, or better yet commenting on your posts, then you know this shy man is into you.
Need I say more?
Signal 9 – His friends are in the “tease” mode
If his friends are whispering when you walk by or playfully teasing you, that’s a good thing. If a man is discussing you with his friends, that means something. He likes you and shy or not, just might not be quite ready to tell you.
No worries, he will in time. Just be patient and understanding and it just might happen for you.
Signal 10 – He just can’t seem to muster up the balls to ask you out
Shy guys are often afraid to make the move. He just might be scared that you’re going to reject him if he asks you out. Don’t take this the wrong way please.
Maybe he’s just waiting for you to make the first move?
If you like him, you should take the risk, don’t you think?
If you don’t, then you will never know what might have been, just saying.
Signal 11 – He’ll step up to the plate to defend you
Maybe your friends are making fun of you. But if a shy guy stands up for you, that certainly means something. Perhaps he just doesn’t know what they are saying but if he comes to your defense regardless, that means he might be interested in you.
Signal 12 – This guy pays attention to the itty bitty details
There is zero doubt here. A shy man will pay attention to the smallest details just because. He will remember your first teacher and your favorite pet. He will also likely have your work schedule memorized.
When a guy “really” likes you, shy or otherwise, he’s going to remember all the little details that might not matter to anybody else.
Perhaps egg whites are your favorite breakfast?
Maybe you can’t stand the smell of olives in the grocery store?
How do you take your coffee?
A shy guy that remembers the little things that really do matter to you, is telling you straight up he’s got the hots for you.
That’s got to count for something right?
Signal 13 – This man is going to put himself out on the line for you
Maybe your shy man likes to stay behind the scenes but if someone is making fun of you, he just might take this personal and take offence. Not for the wrong reasons but for all the right ones.
Bottom line is, this special shy man has your back and that’s magical.
Signal 14 – This man has no issues putting himself out on the line for you
Maybe your shy man doesn’t like to socialize all that much, but is will to get uncomfortable to get comfortable in order to make you smile.
Newsflash! This is NOT for him. It’s all about you.
When you are with his friends, he is always looking to get you involved in the group conversation. The last thing he wants is for you to feel left out.
Even if he’s not normally chatty, he will try for you.
Signal 15 – Mixed signals just might be the norm
This is a push and pull thing. One day your shy guy might be right into talking with you and the next he won’t pay you any attention. This is a tough one but you need to see it in a positive light.
Maybe he’s just nervous around you or seriously has panic attacks. Give him the benefit of the doubt please.
Sure, he might confuse you but that doesn’t mean he’s not a keeper!
Signal 16 – A direct face to face will be his way
If a man likes you, shy or not, he’s going to face you directly, instead of standing off to the side.
This is just a neat and discreet route to let you know he really does like you.
Signal 17 – Holding the door open is the norm
This just gets back to the ancient idea of chivalry, where a man puts a woman first and makes sure she knows it with the little things.
If he’s going out of his way to hold the door for you, its’ critical you see this as a sign of his efforts to connect with you…he just wants you to appreciate his efforts, that’s all.
Signal 18 – He takes action to connect the best he can with your best friend
What this means is that he is paying attention and understands who’s important to you and he’s trying to make a good impression with them too.
Newsflash – He knows the important people in your life will have a say in swaying you toward him or not. That’s incredibly powerful, don’t you think?
Signal 19 – There’s no question he’s listening to our every word
If a man sets his phone down for two seconds in our wild and whacky technology driven world today, then you sure as heck better take him seriously.
A shy guy that’s really interested in getting to know you better, is going to set all of his electronic devices to the side when you are in his presence.
What does this mean?
That he’s head over heels for you.
What you do with this is of course up to you.
Signal 20 – He’s all ears ahead
When a guy actually listens to what you have to say, that truly is golden. Sure, he might be addicted to his phone and computer, but if he turns them off to actually listen to what you have to say, that’s just magical.
Make sure you don’t let the simple but effective signal pass you by or you just might lose big time.
Signal 21 – This man is always willing to help you no matter what
This doesn’t just mean he’s going to help you when he feels the need. It also means he’s going to reach out to you when bad things hit the fan and you really need him.
Maybe your computer has crashed or you need help with a test coming up. It really doesn’t matter, because a shy guy that likes you is going to step up to the plate and help you. He’s not going to question or judge you, he’ll just extend his hand to help make it better with your direction.
I’m telling you right now, if you have a man like that in your corner and you want to pass him off, pretty please send him my way!
Signal 22- This guy is always smiling ear to ear
Shy guys often have trouble smiling and that’s often just because they are so nervous. But if a man is smiling around you whenever he gets the chance, that means a lot.
Shy guys are often too afraid to smile so please be aware of this.
However, if you catch him out of the corner of your eye smiling at you, then you seriously are in the best of positions. This guy likes you and just might not know how to show you yet.
Encourage him, stay open, inviting and positive and he’ll find the guts to ask you out and more.
When a man is smiling at you, that’s just all good, don’t forget please.
Here are a few telltale signals the shy guy you have your eyes on, really isn’t into you
Better sooner than later right?
Here are 9 straight in your face signals a guy just isn’t into you and you need to move on, according to relationship experts at The Talko!
No doubt, the big bad world we live in contains a whole whack of confident gals that, for whatever reason, realize they are losing all common sense when it comes to guys.
Love truly is blind.
When it comes to figuring out the shy guy just isn’t interested, here are a few straight up signals that you better pay attention to.
Signal One – He’s only ringing you at night
When a man is only calling you at night, it’s got to be for one thing right?
He’s lonely and wants to talk or he’s a horny bugger.
Either way, you need to take off your “love blinders” and pay attention to this one please.
Signal Two – The drunk calling move
If a man only calls you after he’s wearing his beer goggles, this is a clear sign he just doesn’t like you, at least for the right reasons.
When a guy is slobbering drunk, he’s anything but attractive and totally incapable of making a logical decision.
Need I say more?
Signal Three – Boyfriend duty is not on the agenda
A man that wants to be with you, should jump for joy at the opportunity to actually be your boyfriend, don’t you think?
Selfish men are all about themselves and if their agenda doesn’t put you priority one, you need to simply kick his butt to the curb and move on with a smile. That’s an order with a smile.
Signal Four – Still, he’s expecting you to be there for him
If you’ve agreed to a “no-strings-attached” relationship, that’s one thing. But if you are trying to get to know this man and he thinks he can stray around while you stick to him like glue, you sure as hell better tell him he’s got another thing coming.
When a man is happy to see others girls but expects you to remain loyal, he just doesn’t care about you to the level you deserve. Sorry but it’s true.
Move on please if this is your circumstance.
Signal Five – It’s just you that’s always making the plans
This one is a little tougher to figure out because sometimes the man just doesn’t know how to make plans for the both of you.
FACT – More often than not though, if a man isn’t right on the ball with making plans for the both of you, just because he wants to see you smile, he’s just not the guy you want or need in your life – Period.
Signal Six – You don’t get any special privileges, then your man just isn’t into you like you deserve
If a guy isn’t treating you special compared to his friends and family, if he isn’t obviously trying to impress you beyond the shadow of a doubt, then his is not the man for you.
You deserve to be the one he gets nervous around or at least gets a little bit of special treatment outside of the things he might do for his friends.
Keep your eyes and ears open on this one please.
Signal Seven – This guy never wants to jump into your bed
If you love and care about someone of course you’re going to want to be with them and if you aren’t willing to sleep in their bed, well, you’ve got an issue.
It’s always going to be give and take and if the guy you think you like isn’t interested in sleeping in YOUR bed ever, then you better question his motives.
Signal Eight – Can’t get his phone off his ear
If a man isn’t willing to put his phone down and give you his undivided attention, then he doesn’t deserve you and he’s just not into you.
When a guy likes a girl, shy or not, he’s going to want his total focus to be on you and nothing else, simply because he’s trying to impress you and show he’s interested.
There’s not much more to say on that one.
Signal Nine – His friends really don’t want to engage with you whatsoever
If you are interested in a man who’s friends won’t give you the time of day, you need to question seriously whether or not he really doles like you.
If a man likes a girl, usually his friends are the first to know about it so they can help him land you. So if they are ignoring you it’s important you see that as a signal he just doesn’t like you and it’s time to move on with a smile.
It really is tough sometimes to figure out whether the shy guy really likes your or if he’s just looking to pass the time.
Pay attention to the expert signals telling you he likes you and the ones that don’t, and you’re on track to getting the shy guy of your dreams.
11 Tips for How To Date A Shy Guy
One of the most common things I hear from readers of the blog is that all the good men are taken. With more than 124 million single-Americans, half of them men, there are a lot of great guys out there…
The problem is that some of the best are just too shy to introduce themselves.
If finding a shy guy to date weren’t hard enough, dating a shy guy is different than dating someone who is outgoing or the typical alpha-male.
You’ve got two things going for you though if you’re willing to learn how to date a shy guy.
First, most aren’t really shy with everyone. They’re just not great at meeting new people and coming out of their shell. Open up with them and they’ll open up with you, and you’ll build an unbreakable bond of trust to start your relationship.
As a reborn shy-guy myself, I can also tell you that these are some of the most loyal, caring and passionate men you can find. If you can find them.
How To Date A Shy Guy Misconception
Let’s get one common misconception about how to date a shy guy out of the way first. Shy guys are shy around new people and in new situations. They are not shy when they are with people that they know. Take me for instance. When I am with my friends, I am just as outgoing and confident as anyone out there. This is because I know my friends and I know I can trust them.
When it comes to meeting new people however, I am like a frightened turtle. I withdraw and keep to myself. It’s because I simply don’t know them and don’t know if I can trust them. Once I spend some time with them, I begin to open up more and more.
Of course, there are those occasions where I open up with someone right away. When I tell them that I am shy, they don’t buy it because of how open I am with them. Why am I open with this new person and not the other? It’s because they put me at ease. This is your goal as well – to put the guy at ease. Here is how you do it.
How To Date A Shy Guy
So let’s look at some of the places to find the elusive shy guy and then how you tag and keep this elusive creature.
While there are specific places shy guys tend to frequent most, the truth is they’re everywhere. It’s the guy that seems to keep showing up in the same aisle of the supermarket. It’s the guy that keeps glancing over at you when you’re out with your friends.
Finding And Meeting Shy Guys
Understanding how to date a shy guy all comes down to being more open with them. You are not going to have a shy guy approach you at a bar. It’s just not going to happen. Thankfully, the world of online dating was created which gives us shy guys a fighting chance at actually meeting women. (If you are looking for an online dating site to try, be sure to check out my dating chart first, so you can find the site that matches you best.)
Open a free account and try Date.com, the largest online dating site
Talk Through Social Media and Text
Once you find a shy guy online, or he finds you, be aware that it will be easier to talk to him through social media – Facebook, Twitter, etc. as well as through texting. Talking on the phone just isn’t one of our strong suits. But with that said, you shouldn’t accept it if a guy asks you out via text message, regardless if he is shy or not. If he wants a date, he needs to pick up the phone and call.
When he does call you, cut him some slack. He is going to sound nervous and he may even jumble his words. Understand that he is just nervous and isn’t some bumbling idiot (though he may be a bumbling idiot).
When I was dating, I met a girl on eHarmony and we emailed back and forth for a while. She gave me her number to call her to meet up. When I called her the next day, I didn’t think about her not answering and getting her voicemail. When I did get her voicemail, I didn’t know what to say, so I just started talking.
Get started on eHarmony and find your matches tonight.
I’m sure I said something dumb and was partially messing up words. Long story short, I never heard from her again. Was it because I sounded like a fool on the voicemail? Who knows. The point is, the shy guy is going to mess up due to nerves and you need to understand this and accept it.
One of the most popular posts on the blog is one about why a guy hasn’t called after a date. That makes me sad to think that one of the biggest problems in dating is that people don’t have the courtesy to call someone and be honest.
While some guys may not call as a sign that they don’t want to see you again, it’s not so simple with a shy guy. Their inner voices may be telling them that you didn’t seem like you were having a good time on the date or talking them out of calling in the first place. Make your shy guy feel comfortable calling by being direct and telling them you had a good time messaging with them.
Shy Guys Want you to Talk about Yourself
After you get the date set up and you are staring at each other across the table, make it a point to talk about yourself. The more you talk, the more the shy guy will get to know you. The more he knows about you, the faster he can warm up and open up.
Of course, don’t do 100% of the talking. Ask him questions from time to time and really listen to what he is saying. This will help to put him at ease.
Shy guys want to know what you want to do on a date. For them, they’re just happy to have your company. Suggest some date ideas of your own to help take the burden of guessing from the guy. Start with this great list of date ideas, separated by category.
Learn To Read Shy Guy Body Language
Reading body language goes a long way with how to date a shy guy. When a guy is shy, he will have a harder time telling you/expressing to you that he likes you. But, he will show it through his body language. If you can read body language, you will know that he is interested. Here is what to look for:
- Open Posture: This means his arms or legs aren’t crossed and that he is leaning into you/the conversation. If he is leaning back (away from you) he isn’t interested.
- Mirroring: If a guy is mimicking your body language, then this is a sign he is interested in you. If you are sitting with your head resting on your hand and he is doing the same, then he is interested. Think of it like you are looking at yourself in a mirror.
- Eye-Contact: If a guy is interested in you, you are the only one in the room. He will look you in the eyes and won’t look away. But, don’t get this confused with serial killer eye contact. It’s important to know the difference.
There are other ways through body language that you can tell if someone is interested in you. But for now, these are what you should be focusing on.
Find Out His Passions/Interests/Hobbies
As I mentioned before, once I warm up to someone and feel as though I can trust them, then I am just as outgoing as anyone else. To help speed up this process, you should find out what he loves to do, and then take him out on a date doing that.
He will be more confident doing that activity while getting to know you than he will just sitting at a table at a restaurant. Doing something he loves will allow him to release his nervous energy on the activity and not on you.
When my wife and I started to date, she found out that I love spy related things. It just so happened that the local museum has a spy exhibit and she took me to that. We had a blast there it helped me to warm up to her and the rest they say, is history.
Tell Him Your Feelings
A great way to get a shy guy to feel more comfortable around you is to tell him how you feel about him. This doesn’t mean saying ‘I Love You’ on the first date. It simply means that you should tell him that you like spending time with him or you are really happy when you get to spend time with him. In both of these cases, he will know where you stand and will know that he can trust you. This will allow him to open up to you more.
Dating A Shy Guy
Alright, we went through the courting and getting to you process when it comes to shy guys. Now comes the tips for when you are dating the shy guy. At this point, your shy guy should feel comfortable around you and the two of you should be having a great time. But there are still some tricky situations that could derail the relationship quickly.
Introduce Him To Friends/Family Slowly
Many of the women I dated failed at introducing me to their friends and family members. In fact, I would wager that 95% of them did it wrong. Remember, that just because we are outgoing and confident with you, we are still shy at heart and when we get introduced to new people, we need to warm up to them as well.
Because of this, you need to take things slowly. Try to introduce your shy guy to small groups of friends first, before a big group. Trust me, no shy person enjoys large gatherings of people. It’s kryptonite to us. The smaller the group, the better.
But, I realize that this isn’t always possible. So, you need to have a plan. Here are some suggestions to help keep things running smoothly:
Tell People First: You can tell your friends or family first that your guy is shy so if he seems a little reserved at first, to not make an issue about it. I’ve met some ex-girlfriends friends who thought I hated them because I didn’t talk to them. I actually thought they were fun people, but they didn’t know I was shy and took my reservations as dislike.
Stay Close: The worst thing you can do to a shy guy is take him to a party where he doesn’t know anyone and leave him while you hang with your friends. Keep him close to you. Introduce him to people and make him feel part of the group. Again, this will help him warm up to everyone more quickly.
Leave Him If He Says So: There are times when at a party when a shy guy will feel comfortable with others. Many times, this is in front of a television. Some of my ex-girlfriends would get mad at me for “withdrawling” from the party. I wasn’t withdrawling at all. If you remember earlier I talked about finding an activity to do with your shy guy to put him at ease.
This is the same thing. He is watching television, but he is doing so with others. There isn’t much talking going on, but when a big play happens, there is talking and this is also bonding. The bottom line is, remember that your shy guy is different and doesn’t need to be talking to others all of the time to connect.
Give Him Space: There will come a time when your shy guy will need a break from everyone and will want to be alone. This is completely normal. Let me repeat this: it is completely normal. Being at a party where we have to engage with others and talk is actually physically and mentally draining for a shy guy. We recharge our batteries by being alone. This never goes away.
When my wife and I go to her parents house for the holidays, there are times when there are close to 40 people in the house. I get to a point where I just need to get away. So I will go to the basement and sit on the couch for a few minutes or go for a walk outside. This allows me to decompress and recharge so I can come back and be part of the fun again. I know it probably sounds odd, but it is who shy guys are.
Final Thoughts on Dating a Shy Guy
These are my tips on how to date a shy guy. I hope that what you take away from this is that there is some added work in the beginning of the relationship but that the effort is worth it in the end. Just like with any relationship, to keep it strong and healthy, you need to continually work at it. The key with dating a shy guy though, is to not forget that he is naturally shy. This can easily be forgotten when you are used to an open and outgoing person.
When the relationship does eventually get to the bedroom, you won’t have to go out of your way to get the shy guy to open up. Once he is comfortable and understands how you feel, the shy guy is just as forward and aggressive as any other guy. You probably won’t need it but check out this post on ways to spice up your sex life.
There are still times that I have to remind my wife that I am shy and she understands when I need to leave a party or function for some air. Remember that the key to a great relationship is knowing who the other person is and being able to meet their needs. This holds true regardless if you are dating an outgoing guy or a shy guy.
How To Know If A Shy Guy Likes You
It can be hard for a guy to just come out and say it…
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve wondered «does he like me?» I would have a Scrooge McDuck-style money bank perfect for swimming. Figuring out whether or not a guy likes you, or how to know if a shy guy likes you in particular, shouldn’t be harder than remembering your lock combination from 5th grade.
And yet, here I am at the age of 33 still struggling to figure out if the dudes I have feelings for have the same kind of feelings for me. To be clear, I’m talking about «pants» feelings. The kind in the bathing suit region. You know, attraction.
RELATED: 7 Subtle Ways Shy People Flirt (So Pay Attention!)
At this point, I feel like I have a relatively good handle on figuring out whether or not a guy finds me attractive. But there is still one type of guy whose intentions are almost impossible to decode. I speak, dear reader, of the quiet guy. You know, that beloved strong but silent type.
It’s amazing that all a guy has to do to be considered mysterious is just like, not talk. But what are the signs a shy guy likes you? Is he shy or is he mysterious? Does he like me or does he find me overwhelmingly chatty?
I have, fortunately, developed a system for determining how to know if a shy guy likes you and whether or not a quiet guy digs what I’m selling. What can you do to figure out the signs a shy guy likes you?
Ask yourself the following three questions:
1. Forget what he says — what’s he doing?
I say this to my girlfriends all the time. Not just because I like to hear myself talk, either, but because it’s totally true. If you want to know if he likes you, pay close attention to what’s he’s DOING.
I know I talk a blue streak, even about tough stuff like feelings, so when I’m with a guy who doesn’t talk as much as I do it can be hard to get a grip on what he’s thinking or feeling. That’s why you have to stop, take a breath, and re-calibrate.
Not everyone expresses their emotions with words, that’s why you’ve got to pay close attention to what your dude is doing if you want to know if he likes you. Is he holding doors for you? Is he showing up for a date with a small surprise token of his esteem? Is he buying you dinner? He’s telling you that he likes you even if he isn’t ACTUALLY «telling» you that he likes you.
RELATED: 5 Reasons Why Introverted Guys Make The BEST Boyfriends
It goes beyond clichéd dating gestures, too. I once dated a painter who had a really hard time expressing his emotions. I had no idea where I stood with the guy. Then, one day, he invited me over to hang out while he painted. I realized that while he found it really hard to express his feelings for me, by letting me chill in his studio while he worked, he was showing me how much he liked and trusted me.
2. How does he touch you when you’re alone?
When you’re trying to figure out how a quiet guy feels about you, it’s tempting to analyze every little thing he says or does to and/or with you. But be wary of mistaking how he behaves toward you around other people with how he behaves around you when it’s just the two of you alone together.
Shyness is easy to mistake as coldness. Even a guy who is totally nuts about you might not feel 100 percent great about being all over you in a public setting. Don’t read too much into his behavior if he’s physically aloof in public.
If when the two of you are alone together he’s still physically aloof, that could very well be a sign that he doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him. But it wouldn’t surprise me at all if Mr. Hands-Off in public became Mr. Handsy when the two of you are spending time alone together.
3. Does he venture out of his comfort zone to be with you?
Silent guys are very often shy guys. When you’re shy or an introvert, venturing outside of your perceived comfort zone can be challenging and make you feel super uncomfortable. I know of what I speak. I’m a shy introvert, and let me tell you, any day where I have to leave my house to talk to other people is a legitimate struggle.
If your strong, silent dude shows up at your best friend’s birthday or agrees to go to trivia night with you and your co-workers, he’s trying to demonstrate to you that he’s willing to push himself to be with you. It’s not like a conscious «look at what I can do» kind of gesture, it’s his eagerness to spend time with you overpowering even his deepest insecurities. If that’s not an awesome sign that he likes you, I don’t know what is.
I knew this one strong silent kind of dude liked me when he showed up to meet my friends for the first time even though he had the flu! Talk about love, right?
RELATED: 5 Subtle Pick-Up Lines Shy Guys Should Use To Get The Girl
How to Know If a Shy Guy Likes You with 4 Steps to Figure It All Out
Short guide to figuring out if a shy guy likes you
Signs a shy guy likes you may be easy to miss, and you may find yourself missing a great opportunity for a relationship. Shy men are usually modest, and more often than not more caring if they figure out that you feel the same way about them that they feel about you. Still, getting to that stage of a relationship may be a hurdle, as you have to find ways to work around their shy attitude.
Reading body language and the situation is an essential skill, as you don’t want to make a shy guy feel out of place and you don’t want to push for a direct answer right away — that’s a sure way to scare a shy guy away. You need to take things slow, and to follow the simple advice in this guide.
Forging a Relationship with a Shy Guy Is a Difficult Task, but You Can Make Your Work a Lot Easier If You Know What Signs to Look for to Find out If a Shy Guy Likes You.
Does a shy guy like you? Here is how to know if a shy guy likes you. Broken down into four parts, here is how you know whether or not a shy guy likes you.Now it’s time to figure it all out!
Understand shy guys
Identify the problem
Shy guys are aplenty, and they are often pretty fun to date, but figuring out if he’s interested at all can be a bit of a problem. Shy guys are usually introverts, and don’t open up easily, nor are their communication skills as advanced, allowing them to get their thoughts across loud and clear. You have to be a bit crafty if you want to know if the shy guy likes you, get in his head a bit, and work from there.
That’s, of course, a lot easier if you know the basics behind how guys in general fall in love. You would be surprised what you find out.
Read his reactions
Even shy and introverted guys have certain «tells» you can look for, and one of the most important «tells» you can rely on is his behavior near you. If a shy guy likes you he will change his demeanor near you — he will look at you when you enter the room, glance at you leaving it. If he was chatting with his friends, he will fall silent, or, if he was calm, he will get fidgety. This reaction comes from the fact that they don’t vocalize their thoughts easily, so it’s not the words they are saying that change when you are around, but their actions.
There are two easy ways for you to provoke a reaction from a shy guy, in case you are not sure if he reacts that way around you. First one is mere physical presence — shy guys will try their best not to sit in a crowded place, or near strangers, or even people they don’t talk often to (like a classmate, for instance). If he likes you, he will not back away from you physically if you sit near him or next to him — he accepts your presence and is glad for it, even if he doesn’t say it.
Another thing that you can look for is his behavior if you talk or flirt with someone else, or talks about an ex or about someone you like. A shy guy already has some plans to try to get you to like him, and sees these things as a major obstacle, which will annoy him. If a shy guy gets annoyed when you talk about other guys, he likes you. Make sure not to overdo it — he might draw a conclusion that he has no chance and just back off completely.
Watch his body language
Know where to look
Non-verbal communication plays a major part in figuring out if a guy likes you, and the first thing to look at are his eyes. Extroverts will point their entire body to you when they pay attention to you, but extroverts are more likely to just shift their head and look in your direction. If you find a shy guy glancing often your way, it’s a good bet that he likes you. Reading body language of a shy guy is the best way to see if he’s interested in you.
Another thing introverts do when they like you is place objects they can look at with you being in the big picture — a book, a TV, a glass of water, anything that would give them an excuse to be facing in your general direction without looking directly at you.
Try talking to him
Now that you have figured it all out, this is a definite tell, as you will most likely leave a shy guy speechless in a conversation. The way shy guys see things, a conversation is a chance for them to make a mistake and show themselves in some negative light, so they will not be sure what to talk about with you. Even a plain conversation may be awkward with a shy guy that likes you, and he may be hesitant to be the first one to address you, even when he’s got a valid reason to do so.
One good way to lead a conversation with a shy guy is to find out about his hobbies and interests (from his friends, if you feel like asking him about it would look too much like an interview), learn a thing or two about those themes, and coax him into a conversation covering those topics — you can move to more interesting themes at some other point in conversation, when he relaxes a bit. If he gets flirty at any point, that is a pretty good sign that he likes you — shy guys don’t really flirt for the sake of flirting, they’d only do something like that if they like you. You can even try flirting with him yourself; as long as you don’t come off as too aggressive, flirting with a shy guy is an art in itself.
If the topic of the conversation keeps coming back on you, don’t worry, that’s a good sign — he thinks you are interesting and is trying to find out a bit more about you without having to directly ask these things. Also, he will most likely get tongue-tied or very defensive if you try to ask him about him — shy men consider themselves uninteresting, and he wants to leave a good impression.
As you see, all it takes is a bit of effort and understanding, and you can easily get a shy guy to come out from his shell, i.e. figure it all out. But once he’s out, you can be sure that it is only because of you. That is why, once you get an opportunity to enjoy probably a really interesting person hidden behind the book, embrace it and enjoy your time spent together.