7 Ways You Know You Have A Crush On Your Coworker
We spend so much of our time and energy at work that it’s only natural to look at the people you work with as friends, and perhaps, at times, something more. It’s easy to develop feelings for a coworker — the «we are in this together» mentality jobs create breeds familiarity. All work crushes start out innocently enough. One day you are getting a bite to eat together on a lunch break, then it’s a few beers after work, and suddenly you’re fantasizing about pushing the TPS reports off your desk and kicking off those sensible heels.
But crossing that line is not only an HR nightmare, it’s also a good way to lose a work buddy or at least make things super awkward with a colleague. No one wants to be one office Christmas party away from a sloppy drunken make out with your married cubicle-mate. Careful consideration should be taken when deciding to date someone with whom you work. So how can you tell when you’re starting to wade into those treacherous waters?
Whether you’re already in a happy relationship or not, developing a work crush is natural, it’s how you deal with it that is important. Seeing that sexy colleague Monday through Friday could be painful, so it’s best to figure out your feelings before s**t gets real. The first step is to recognize if you’re in danger of being hit with Office Cupid’s arrow. To find out see how many of these warning signs apply to your sitch.
You Grab Lunch Or Coffee On The Reg
Grabbing lunch with your “work-friend” is something you look forward to all morning. You carve out this special time to hang because you enjoy spending time together outside the daily grind. They are clever and funny and smart and always have good insights with how to deal with the daily office drama. You value catching up with them about their weekend, ragging on the boss, or discussing office gossip. You two seem to got together like peanut butter and jelly. It’s not just a simple sandwich, it’s a companion-wich.
You Dress Up (To The Next Level) For The Office
Nice pants and a sweater don’t cut it anymore — suddenly you have the urge to buy new cute outfits. Now, for some reason, you are more concerned about how you look at work than on a date night. It’s not just on days of big meetings and presentations anymore — you take special care with your appearance every day possible. It’s really rewarding to get a compliment from your work-friend, or to catch them looking at you from across the room!
You Schedule One-On-One Meetings With Them — Without An Agenda
It’s not really normal business procedure to scheduling meetings just to talk, but you find yourself confiding more and more in your friend. Your meetings usually start out being about work, and before you know it, you’re involved in a deep conversation about personal hopes and dreams. You feel comfortable with this person, and look forward to the times they ask you for help on a project. You guys might even text or email throughout the day (Bob’s ties are too ugly to ignore!). Working is so much more fun with them around.
You Feel Uncontrollably Sad When They Are Out Of The Office
When your crush is out of the office you wonder while you even bothered to come in to work at all. You miss them like crazy. Lunch is a sad and lonely affair. You have no idea what you would do if they quit! You are irrationally worried about them — are they sick? What if something happened to them? Their attention and humor make you feel good, and without it, work is just — well, work.
You Get Jealous When They Talk About Their Significant Other Or Dating Life
The last thing you want is to picture them with their perfect GF or BF — probably having fun, laughing, kissing (gross). Every time they post a cute pic on Instagram, fiery rage bubbles in the pit of your stomach. You don’t know why you feel so competitive with their partner. But somehow, you feel like their bae can’t possibly understand them the way you do. Every time your friend can’t stay and work late on a project it’s because they have “dinner plans.” Even if your work-friend is not in a committed relationship, you still get a little jelly from time to time. You are happy to listen to the hilarious stories of all their dating blunders, but when they come back from a good date, well, there is that confusing rage again.
You Organize An Office Happy Hour Just To Hang With Them
It’s not like a date or anything if the rest of your coworkers are there. But if it was a date… that would be cool too.
You Haven’t Told Your Significant Other About Them
You don’t exactly know how you would explain your close friendship with this person from work — so you just don’t. It’s not like it’s a big secret, but you’re so close with this work-buddy that you don’t want your bae to get jealous. I mean, it’s not like that, right? Nothing has happened between you that is necessarily inappropriate. But still… it’s better to just mention them only in passing and keep your home life and work life separate.
Or maybe it’s time to admit that you have a big ol’ crush!
Images: pexels, giphy
I have a crush on a manager at work, my coworker keeps encroaching on my desk, and more — Ask a Manager
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I have a crush on a manager at work
I’m a happily married woman, but I have a crush on a male supervisor at work. The nature of my work requires that I advise management staff on various issues, so I often meet with several managers multiple times during the week. There’s a younger (close to my age) but established high-level male supervisor who I find myself attracted to. I wasn’t sure what my feelings meant at first, but I find myself getting nervous around him, I tend to care more about my appearance when I know we’re going to meet, and I think he’s attractive.
I get a vibe from him too. I may be making assumptions and his behavior can be explained otherwise, but he’s called me personally to ask questions, emailed me personally to congratulate me on a job well done, left his water bottle in my work area and his manager teased him for “accidentally” leaving it there, his manager teased him for seeming giddy and laughing more than usual during one of our meetings together.
I have no intentions of having an affair and even if I were single, dating someone at work comes with too many risks. Do you have any advice on how to quell this crush? How to conduct myself professionally around him? I feel like my feelings are obvious. I saw him at lunch the other day and walked away just to avoid him. I had a crush on a high-level supervisor at my last job too, but left the workplace for unrelated reasons so it never became an issue.
Noooo! It’s normal to occasionally find yourself attracted to people who are Not Your Spouse, but don’t let yourself start speculating on whether there’s a vibe there or not. The behaviors you described from him — calling you to ask questions, congratulating you on a job well done, leaving a water bottle behind, and being more laughy on some days than others — are normal work behaviors. He is just being a normal person, doing his job.
As for how to conduct yourself professionally around him — pretend he’s your uncle? Pretend he’s Ramsay Bolton? Imagine your husband dropping by to surprise you and walking in on a libidinous scene? Or, turn it around and imagine the genders were reversed — if you were a married dude crushing on a female colleague and reading things into her perfectly normal, non-flirtatious behavior that weren’t actually there, that would feel pretty skeevy, right? (I don’t mean to imply you’re skeevy — just to hopefully help you reframe it in your head.)
2. My boss is dragging his feet on hiring a temp for my maternity leave
I disclosed I was pregnant in December and noted my due date of July 12 at that time. It is now the end of May and my boss still has not posted the position for a temp fill-in. We are an office of three people, and so having a temp is crucial. My boss has even said on multiple occasions that he will not post the position and will only fill it by direct referral. What do I do? He expects me to train this person, yet refuses to take any steps to hire anyone that isnt referred to him personally. What can I do to protect myself from being expected to come in during maternity leave and/or train someone while I’m supposed to be on leave?
You can let him know right now that you won’t be able to do that. Say this to him: “I want to make sure you know that I could go out on leave as early as (date) and that I’m going to be 100% unavailable once I do — I won’t be able to come in to train someone or help out once that happens. So if you want me to train the temp, that person should start no later than (date).”
He’s now warned, and then you just stick to that. Remind him again right before
Does my co-worker have a crush?
About two months ago, the school that I work at hired a new and younger female teacher to work with me and also share a classroom with.
Since then, we’ve become very good friends and very effective partners. From a work standpoint, we’re always sharing ideas and giving each other advice and ocassionally venting to each other about problems at work. Most of the time, we end up staying later than most of the other teachers at our school.
Recently, I’ve began to notice some no so subtle signs that my new co- worker might have a crush on me. She’s always spraying herself with body spray whenever she’s around me. Sometimes she’ll leave the room to go to the copier or get something from another classroom and come back smelling of perfume. Even though she’s friendly with other teachers at our school, she said that I’m the only one who she considers to be a friend and defends me when other teachers say anything remotely negative about me. She’s more open around me than any other co-worker and admitted that she really feels comfortable around me. She also admitted that she gets a little lonely whenever I leave a little earlier than her.
Recently, we’ve began hanging out and doing out schoolwork together outside of school, sometimes for hours. I think she might be attracted to me and I’m also attracted to her but outside of school, she has a boyfriend and I recently began a new relationship. In fact, when she found out about my new girlfriend, she seemed a little disappointed. I’m not about to breakup with my current girlfriend to pursue her, since that wouldn’t lead to anything and I don’t want to do anything that would mess up the work partnership that we do have, since I think the whole attraction/chemistry we have for each other is what makes our work partnership work so well. If something were to happen though, I would wait for her to make the first move, just to be 100% sure.
Do you think she has a crush on me? How would you handle it?
Married but Have Crush on Co-Worker
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I’ve been married for several years and have been asking myself if I did the right thing for most of that time. But that’s not what I want help from Group Therapy on right now — I’ve got other therapy for that. Basically, I’m not attracted to my husband, and lately I’ve found myself attracted to other men — nothing too serious, until now. I’ve got a crush on my coworker, who I started working with a few months ago.
We work together once or twice a week and ever since we first met, he’s always been so sweet and caring and helpful and generous and everything my husband is not. A few weeks into working with him I found out that he has a girlfriend, which is how I found out that he is straight. In my profession, we tend to assume our male coworkers are gay unless otherwise notified.
Once he told me about his GF the first time, I immediately started crushing on him, just because he’s so amazing. But he doesn’t say much about her, in fact, none of my coworkers even know her name, and it creates a huge sense of mystery surrounding him. He can be pretty private. He won’t tell her name to anyone who’s asked about her, but he and I are pretty chummy, and I feel like if I asked, I’d be the one person he would tell. But I respect his privacy and I don’t even ask him. Instead, we talk about everything else under the sun — we have a lot in common and we’re becoming good friends. I get the feeling he doesn’t talk about her much because he has a crush on me too. So I don’t talk about my husband much, either. My coworker has trouble remembering my husband’s name, and when we first started working together he had trouble remembering whether I had a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband. What kind of guy gets that stuff mixed up?
So I like him, I think he likes me back, but we’re both in relationships right now. We have chemistry when we’re together, but I think he’s too much of a gentleman (again, he’s amazing) to make a move on me or anything like that, or even say something to «clear the air.» What do I do? Help!
Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.
Ever Had a Crush on a Co-Worker? 31 Percent of People Who Meet at Work End Up Getting Married
Dating at work is complicated. Particularly in the era of #MeToo, it can be nerve-wracking to even consider approaching a coworker (or boss, or subordinate) in a romantic capacity. A lot of companies have policies about intra-office dating, including strongly discouraging it.
But the fact is, attraction happens. At the water cooler, at the office holiday party, while completing late-night projects, during coffee runs.
Simply put, people date people from work, and we need to be realistic about that rather than ignore it.
The numbers speak for themselves. According to a survey by CareerBuilder of 7,780 American workers, 38 percent of people reported having dated a colleague at some point during their career. And a full 31 percent of those who said they had, ending up marrying that person.
Yes, of course people have flings, but very serious relationships arise out of office romances, too.
This is likely because of the way you get to know a colleague. You’re with them a good number of hours a day, and you tend to see them across circumstances — both when they’re succeeding and celebrating victories, and when they’re having a hard time. They «get» you in a way others don’t, because they’re familiar with the work (as well as the office politics). Plus, you can engage in pretty good banter on Slack.
It’s not just coworkers, either — some people are doing more than just work for the boss. While most people reported dating those at their same level in the hierarchy, 18 percent said they’d dated their boss — that’s nearly one in five. Women were more likely to date up (35 percent of women; 23 percent of men).
Whether it’s a boss or a colleague, bringing dating into your professional world elicits dynamics far beyond just getting caught making out in a conference room. Do you keep things under wraps, or inform someone else above the two of you (or HR)? What do you do if you start out on the same level but one of you gets promoted? And the big one: what if it doesn’t work out? Will you both be cool, or will one of you get vindictive?
According to Rosemary Haefner, chief HR officer at CareerBuilder, «To avoid negative consequences at work, it’s important to set ground rules within your relationship that help you stay professional in the office and keep your personal life private.»
That’s easy to say but sometimes hard to do in real life.
According to a survey by Harris Poll, 24 percent of workers have had an affair with a coworker in which one person was married. More of the married individuals were men (27 percent vs. 21 percent of women). Talk about complicated. And a total of 6 percent of people reported leaving a job because the relationship ended badly (that difference was gendered: 9 percent of women compared to 3 percent of men).
Still you’d think that that last number would be higher. You’d think more office relationships would end badly and result in hurt feelings and difficult work meetings — but it doesn’t seem to be the case.
Here are a few common sense rules of thumb if you do decide to do the dirty with someone from work:
1. Dating laterally is safer than dating up or down
Starting a relationship with a coworker in a completely different department is the safest thing to do. That said, most people are more attracted to those in a similar job (probably because they have similar challenges and more in common). Either way, if you’re going to do it, the best bet is to stay on your level, so to speak.
2. If there is a power differential, try your best to stop working together
Two quick anecdotes about this: a friend of mine was an intern at a law firm where she found herself attracted to her boss. She spent the semester there, and was then offered an ongoing internship at the firm. She turned it down because she wanted to see where it would go with her boss (they hadn’t done anything yet, but she had a feeling), and chose to pursue another internship elsewhere. They ended up dating and then getting married.
Story 2: I worked briefly at Trader Joe’s, where one of the woman managers told me she had been attracted to one of the guys on the floor (below her in the hierarchy). She ended up talking to him about it and he agreed to transfer to a different store so she wouldn’t be his direct manager. They were very seriously dating at the point I knew them.
It’s obviously not always realistic to stop working together. If you’re both heavily invested in your careers at the company you’re at, it’s not fair to ask one person to leave. But whenever possible, think of creative ways to stop working together — especially if you’re in different levels of the hierarchy.
3. Be sure before you jump in
My personal rule of thumb has always been to resist the urge unless I really think it could be something. Casual relationships don’t seem made for the office.
That said, the research shows that if you do decide to go for it, one in three people ends up marrying the object of their workplace affection.
My coworker/crush is acting distant all of a sudden?
Okay Guys I have a question that’s been on my mind as of the last couple of days. I have a crush on my male coworker. I recently got transferred to another side of my company’s building and just met him a few weeks ago even though we both have been with the company for years. We instantly got along great. Fun, laughing, teasing one another, stares from across the room. And, from my point of view, yes flirting. Holding eye contact, close proximity, Etc. He always addresses my name when saying hello to me. I’m not sure if that’s any of significance or not. But, he uses my name a lot. I don’t know if that’s just his manners or what. Anyway, I want to make this short. All of a sudden, out of the blue he is ignoring me. I mean, he said hello in passing the last two days but that’s it. It is a little out of character being that he typically sticks around and helps me with my work load. Now, yesterday he said absolutely nothing. No «hello». I’m very confused. I smiled at him and nodded hi but I don’t think he noticed. We did make eye contact from the opposite side of the room but we both turned away. I haven’t said anything rude or disrespectful and I’m not sucking up his oxygen the entire shift. So what gives? GUYS, if you had a coworker and she was friendly and you liked conversing with her in only a platonic way would you speak with her every day and all of a sudden not address her? Even when you two are three feet apart? It leads me to believe that there’s possibly something more there. I mean, if you two are «friends» you would say hi/what’s up even if your in passing and busy. Not just eruptly ignore their existence.
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Maybe you should walk closer to her? I’m not too experienced with distant women.
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